I AM... Myself
I Am
Much is loaded in those two little words. They can be followed by an endless amount of words describing us; our traits, feelings, or types of relationships, profession, nationality, or spiritual beliefs, to name just a few. "I am" is the beginning of many a phase illustrating our identity. Most people experience shifts in their identity as they age and grow.
As babies, humans are born into a family, and our identity becomes an extension of our family, until we naturally begin to differentiate from them by experimenting with who we might be and what we might like. We notice how we have both similarities and differences from our family. Who we are is tied up with who they are; their history, roles, and hopes for us. As adoptees, we are taken out of the family we are born into, and placed with a new family. For some, a connection is maintained by being adopted by another birth relative, for example, a grandparent or auntie.
Various forms of open adoption are being recognized as beneficial for the adoptee. Trauma, anxiety, and many other mental health issues have been linked to the early separation and cutting off of a developing child from their birth family.
Humans play with their developing identity as children and later as teenagers. Many factors, both internal and external contribute to who we become and who we understand ourselves to be.
Throughout childhood, late discovery adoptees develop a false self. A self based on the belief that they are being raised by their biological parents. Many feel that they "don't fit"; try as they might to "be like" the others in their family.
Invitations:
1.) Creating past/present/future self: Using images, words, or a combination of both; create something that represents your SELF. Reflect on who you were pre-discovery, presently, and who you can envision becoming in the future. Use whatever media speaks to you.
2.) Affirmation art: Using whatever media feels right, create some affirming art. This could take the form of a few affirmation cards or something else. (This can be a great way to recycle an old deck of cards.) I recommend beginning with the words: I AM. Typically, we are aiming for positive statements about ourselves, but this may feel difficult. If this is true for you, I have 2 suggestions that may help:
a. it can be helpful to think of a time in your life when you did something you felt good about. Write or tell that memory to yourself, or a trusted friend. Reflect on it and see if you can identify a couple of your positive qualities based on the story.
b. allow the negative statement to breathe. For example "I am a failure"; write this out, sit with it, feel what arises. After allowing this statement some time, identify the opposite quality. For this example it may be "I am a success", be curious, is this statement also true? Can you think of a time when you were also successful? If so, consider including this statement too: "I am a failure and a success." This develops in us a tolerance for duality, for the ebb and flow of our ever-growing self.
*Be mindful: Try to remain present in-the-moment with yourself as you work on, and later reflect on, this project. Notice with kind acceptance, your emotions as they come up. Imagine showing yourself the patience you would extend to a small child.
Cultivating Compassion and Self-love by asking yourself: What do I need right now? Follow through by giving care to yourself.
Alternate Invitation:
Differentiate through free writing: To differentiate is to recognize what makes something; in this case people, different. Free write using this prompt as it relates to your families - both adopted and biological if that is available to you. "I am... while you are..." Repeat this prompt as many times as feels needed for you to start seeing the differences. Where do they end and you begin?
Transitioning from remembering to anchoring in the present:
Once your creation and reflection process feels like it has come to a close, please do something to help you transition from remembering to the present moment. This means self-care. Here are some suggestions:
1.) Name: 3 things you see, 2 things you hear, 1 thing you smell, pay attention to the sensations in your hands and feet, pay attention to your breathing and consciously make an effort to bring the breath down into your lower belly 3 times, allowing a sigh on the exhale.
2.) Go for a nature walk, by yourself or with a pet or close friend.
3.) Nourish your body by eating or drinking something healthy or tasty, go to the gym, or take a shower or bath.
Reflection:
Please allow for time and space to reflect or journal about how this experience is for you. Remember to be kind and non-judgmental; your role is to notice and observe.
Please consider sharing:
I will always encourage sharing, as being witnessed is part of the healing process. Being an LDA can feel isolating and alone. Having our work seen can lessen these feelings and impress on us our true value. To submit your work to this site please email it to me, specify what name (or no name) you would like credited, at meaghancarriere@gmail.com.