Project 6 Rage, "I See You"

Rage Monster

Invitation:

Create your rage monster, in any way that feels instinctive to you. Instead of turning away from our rage, we will honor it by making it visible. If other feelings come up, please notice them and consider whether they have a place in this piece also.

Below I have had provided 2 methods, but please use whatever works for you, even if it's not suggested here.

Method 1: Use clay, sculpti, or playdough, (anything mold-able) and build your monster. What body parts does he need? Is he colorful? Dig into your gut and create!

Method 2: Using a very large piece of paper or newsprint taped to the wall. *Think about the size of your rage, you're paper could be sized to reflect that. Use a media that won't bleed through and wreck your wall, or double up the page to protect the wall. Create your monster!

Alternate Invitation:

Create a letter, poem, or art piece using this prompt: "I am Sorry. I am not sorry."

* Again, this section can feel particularly challenging and uncomfortable, so do what feels right for you. Maybe none of the invitations here speak to you, and this is okay. Honor yourself by feeling into what appeals to you as a way to hold a safe space for your rage, and process it for a time. If you feel great resistance to doing this, please be kind to yourself by leaning into your resistance. Perhaps this is not the correct time in your journey to do this; consider what may be driving the resistant feelings without trying to change them.

Trigger Warning:

I found this exercise to be really challenging. Once I had finally completed it, I found that the anger stayed with me for the next day or so. This is not meant to discourage you from exploring this topic, but just to build awareness that some emotions may come up that could feel hard to contain, or let-go of. I would recommend having your safety plan handy, or building a post-activity plan now, so that you will know what you are doing next.

Suggestions:

- go for a coffee/tea with a trusted friend

- spend some time in nature

- go for a walk or to the gym

- play music loud and sing and/or dance

- take a shower/ bath/nap

- anything that grounds you in the present

Addressing our big feelings...

In my research on LDA's, I have found a few themes that are most prevalent. Of these is the experience of emotions bigger than we had imagined possible; and of these the most shocking is "rage". One LDA described this rage as so big that the word "rage" did not even begin to touch on the size and intensity of the anger she felt. She suggested that we should create a new word for it to more accurately depict our experience.

Other common feelings expressed are betrayal, loss of trust, and difficulty forgiving. It is not hard to connect where these feelings are coming from. Our families betrayed us when they chose to carry on a lifetime of deception in regards to our origins. In many instances, extended family, friends, and neighbors were also party to this lie. Discovering the truth triggers devastating consequences for many of us. The hurt and loss is unimaginable, and often we feel hopeless that it will ever end. As we deal with the fall out internally and externally, as we face it in our everyday life, we are constantly reminded of the betrayal and that we are paying the price; in our health, in our relationships, in our family, in our sense of self and identity, in our ability to trust... and on it goes.

For many, anger is a shameful emotion. Many authority figures during childhood resort to shame or harsh discipline when faced with a child who is raging. This may have been your experience too; as a result, many of us "stuff" our anger, refusing to face it; feeling overcome by shame or guilt when it arises. This week, I invite you to provide a safe and loving space for your child-self to look at and hold your anger - even if just for a few minutes.

An Invitation to Process your Anger more Deeply:

Using a printout of a body outline, (think cookie-man) I often invite clients to color how they experience their anger on a body level. Another alternative is to close your eyes and feel where your anger lives in your body; mentally color it and observe it. Does it have a texture, or movement? Is it changing or moving to a different part of your body? Don't try to change it, just watch it gently and allow space to notice if it changes. Track it, observe it. This is not about getting caught up in the "stories" or usual thought patterns that go with our emotions; this is about patiently observing our emotions on a body level. Eventually you may find the sensations lessen or dissipate all together; if they don't this is okay too. Remember to play with the breath during this; deep belly breaths can be helpful, or imagining breathing in joy, light, or love, while exhaling dark or heavy energy.

Reflection:

Be present with your monster and notice what happens for you. Where do you feel it's presence in you? Is there anything that stands out to you about it? Do you feel the urge to add/take-away/change anything? Does it have a name?

Deepen Your Reflection by:

Journalling it: Free write about what this experience was like for you.

Conversing with your monster: Have a conversation with your monster. Be present with it and notice what happens.

Write it: script it, or write out an interaction with your monster and notice what happens. If your monster was writing a letter what would it say? If you were writing a letter to it, what would it say?

Pro-to-logism: Create a new word for LDA-sized rage.

Transforming Anger:

Often when we feel into our anger, hold space for it, and express it (safely) we find that other emotions lay beneath it; sadness, hurt, loss, a sense of powerlessness, betrayal, or injustice. Sit with your feelings with respectful curiosity, notice if there are other emotions mixed-in or beneath your anger. Take 3 deep breaths and hold this knowledge/awareness. Notice if your body is signalling you to DO something: cry, hum, walk, stomp, punch a pillow, stretch, anything that may signal a releasing or letting-go. 

I do not recommend talking with the offensive parties involved at this point. Sometimes writing a letter and destroying it feels good. Connecting with other LDA's and venting our feelings can be helpful to lessen the feelings of isolation, aloneness, or guilt.

congratulate yourself!

This is hard work. Processing big emotions with purpose and loving kindness towards ourselves can feel very uncomfortable. If you found a way to do this, do something to recognize this accomplishment!