Discovery

Our journey begins when we discovery our parentage is not as we had believed. This is the first of many discoveries as we try to recover our personal information and heal from the trauma of familial separation, damaged trust with the family who raised us.

Confrontation

We often feel the need to confront family members and others involved in an effort to hear the truth about our origins. We also confront our selves in this process. Feelings of anger, shame and worthlessness are common. Family conflicts sometimes lead to major breaks in relationship or even estrangement. Learning to manage personal boundaries becomes paramount.

The people who raised us can help by apologizing, not making excuses, and by sharing the truth about our story freely.

Floating

Emotional responses can feel intense and overwhelming. Many refer to the experience as “floating”. Shock, denial, sadness, anger, betrayal, fear, grief, relief, overwhelm, numbing, confusion, isolation, and flashbacks are common.

The nervous system is often chronically dysregulated. Self-care and resourcing support become priorities to restore feelings of safety and resilience.

Isolation

We experience feelings of disconnection from self and others. We learn that most people cannot relate to our suffering. We may desire support while feeling at a loss as to where to find it, and fearful of being misunderstood.

Exposure

We feel increasingly vulnerable and struggle to know when or how to share our news with others.

Depression

Trauma symptoms may affect our ability to function; anxiety, shaking, numbing, overwhelming emotions, sleeplessness, and a sense of loss is common.

Identity Confusion

We may be constantly reviewing our childhood memories in an effort to make sense of this new information. Possibly feeling forced to creating a new identity.

We question: Who am I? What does this mean? What is my story? How do I make sense of this?

Humans are meant to have a fairly established identity by adulthood, and are not meant to re-create it at this stage of life. Identity issues can feel especially challenging.

Reaching Out

We seek support in therapy and support groups, both online and in-person.

We learn more about about trauma, PTSD, adoption, family dynamics, self-care, boundaries, and communication.

Many consider search and reunion. Occasionally, we are unable to reunite due to death, safety concerns, or rejection.

Many feel a desire to share their story in an effort to support others.

Gradual Integration and Recovery

We gradually make sense of new information and are able to integrate this into our developing identity. Eventually growing in our ability to share our story with others; re-building trust selectively. We become reacquainted with our inner wisdom and natural healing ability.

We gradually come to accept our new selves, complete with our limitations and need for ongoing self-care. We consider ways to honor our experience.

In time we come to know we are worthy, tenaciously resilient, and really do belong.