"I just found out I'm adopted."
Welcome to Expressive Roots for Late-Discovery Adoptees!
Chances are, if you've found your way here you have discovered that one or both of your parents are not your biological parents.
Here, you will find information and resources about adoption trauma, presented from the perspective of the adoptee. Sometimes, the identity of a person who has made this discovery is abbreviated:
LDA: Late Discovery Adoptee. Someone who has found out they are adopted, later in life. The definition varies from person to person. Some are adopted by both parents, some by one parent, and some are adopted within their biological family; such as being adopted by an aunt or grandparent. But the key feature they have in common is that they grew up believing that the people who raised them were their biological parents.
NPE or MPE: Not Parent Expected or Misattributed Parentage Event. Often used interchangeably. This is most often used in relation to paternity. Someone grows up believing that the father who raises them is their biological father, when they are not.
These labels and definitions are still evolving as we learn more. I try not to get too caught up in “labels”, and instead focus on validating the experience.
What do LDA’s, NPE’s, and Adoptees have in common?
LDA's, NPE’s, and Adoptees share a few commonalities, in that they are both: adopted, and experience similar processes of grief and loss, and face issues related to search and reunion. The key difference: is that LDA's and NPE’s learn of their adoption later in life. Most have been deceived or lied to for large portions of their life.
The deception surrounding the true parentage, and delayed processing adds layers of trauma, loss, betrayal, identity confusion, and disorganization upon learning the truth.
Every story is different and unique. What binds LDA's and NPE’s together is the deception regarding their origins, and the consequences of that. Some have asked me, what age one would need to be, at time of "discovery" for them to be considered an LDA or NPE. I don't believe there is a specific age, and probably every affected person would answer differently. Rather than getting hung up on that, I will say this, if you feel like you belong here, you probably do, so welcome!
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Who am I?
I am a Counseling Therapist (registered in Canada ACTA#2602) and Life Coach. I am an NPE, as I was raised by my birth-mom and adopted by my step-dad at birth. I was raised to believe I was the biological child of both.
For many years, I have worked in various roles that support families: as a Birth Doula, Childbirth Educator, and Baby Massage Instructor. Currently I support individuals and families as a counsellor who specializes in adoption, neurodiversity, and trauma. I have been an artist all my life. In my counselling work, I use art, writing, and play as a primary means of emotional processing and healing in my work with youths.
The work I do is healing, intuitive, rewarding, and creative. Expressive art and play is a powerful and dynamic way to move forward in one’s journey. It is a privilege to witness clients process and find their inner voice, courage, and strength. In my local practice, I work primarily with youths and their families, supporting them in learning new skills such as: communication, emotional regulation, increased self awareness, managing anxiety, boundaries, and how to deepen family connections. Clients learn how to tune into their bodies and their emotions. One of the fundamental skills they learn is how to practice self-care when they recognize they are experiencing troubling emotions; they learn that the emotions are a signal to them that something needs their attention. Together we learn how to pay attention, how to process, how to hear the message and transform, moving forward.